Loved and Lost

Picture a woman who looks a lot like me – funny and smart, talented, a real go-getter …

The story goes that she’d been in love with a guy for about a year and a half; the feelings began as infatuation but developed into love as their friendship grew. That’s really as far as the story went, for a long time, so there wasn’t much to tell.

Recently, though, she decided that she needed to tell him how she felt. She’s not a person who takes a risk, especially when it comes to blurting out feelings with no idea of what to expect. But the idea wouldn’t go away; it hung on like a pebble in a shoe.

This chick practiced what she would say, rehearsing out loud and in her head so often the words became a chant. And there were the considerations. What would he say? Could she take the rejection, if that’s what happened? Was she willing to put the friendship on the line – potentially saying good-bye to love and like?

“Don’t you want more? Why don’t you find out how he feels? Find out what it would look like if you two were together.” Advice from a friend.

“I do want more. But I also don’t want less.” The rather pathetic response.

The big moment arrived. The words tumbled out just like they had so many times before, except this time there were listening ears.

Woman: “You know you’re one of my best friends and I have to tell you that I’m in love with you and I want to know if we can have a romantic relationship.”

Man: “That’s one of the sweetest things anyone has said to me. All day.”

Woman: laughs, and goes on to explain exactly what she means, as though the concept could have been unclear.

Man: “Please deposit twenty-five cents.”

Woman: laughs again.

The conversation went nowhere, if it’s not already obvious.

Another man told her that men use humor when they don’t know how to respond. “He’s thinking about what you said, make no mistake.”

But as a couple weeks went by with nothing more than a couple meaningless conversations, it didn’t take much imagination to figure that he had responded, without words.

And so the silence continued, loud and clear. The friendship evaporated.

I should have kept my mouth shut.

No, I had to say something. I had to be true to myself.

I can’t take this.

The jury deliberated, until the foreman emerged.

“Not guilty. We agree that he needed to let her go if he had no intention of loving her. She deserves the chance to have a loving, open, intimate relationship with a man who wants the same thing and can offer her love.”

Indeed.

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5 thoughts on “Loved and Lost

  1. Sorry, my message got away from me when I was trying to change the wording at the end. Corrected below:

    And so the love chain continues (Man wants her, but she wants another, and he wants someone else …). So often that seems to be the case.

    It’s always difficult to grasp that somone we are so into would not feel similarly toward us, but I think all have been there and on the opposite end as well.

    Probably the biggest take away is that it is highly unlikely a man would not let you know (in some way) that he wanted more than friendship in such a long period of time. You would not likely be interested in that type.

      1. I can certainly relate. Our evolutionary necessities (like the ability to keep hope) tend go above and beyond what is really good for us at times.

        There is another thing to, perhaps, keep in mind here. Depending on the extent of his mixed messages (the positive ones mainly) and my guess that more of your feelings were apparent than what you realize, with the response he then had with your heartfelt declaration … maybe he isn’t such a wonderful guy after all.

  2. Oh, Darling Sharon! So sad to see such a wonderful woman’s heart being, with nervous humor and indirect dismissal, broken in two! Of course you did right by taking the risk: you learned what you needed to learn. Even if it wasn’t what you wanted, you needed to know.
    dani

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