Why do nice guys get such a bad rap? I used to feel sorry for my self-proclaimed nice guy friends who would bemoan their poor treatment from women who “always” went for the “bad boy.” These nice guys would get ditched for a guy who apparently wasn’t quite so nice. Boo hoo.
A few years ago I fell for a nice guy. He treated me like a goddess. He was my biggest fan. There wasn’t anything I could say or do that wasn’t brilliant or an accomplishment. For those who know me, you know how I initially reacted.
“Finally! Someone who really understands me!”
Our relationship really was all about me – what I wanted, where I wanted to go, which movie I wanted to see, which sandwich I wanted to split. If you’ve ever seen the movie, Lars and the Real Girl, you’ll understand, except that I was with my Real Boy. The two of us were a reflection of me. I really didn’t know who he was inside.
But he was definitely nice.
The man I love isn’t what I’d call nice. He’s polite, kind, generous, and compassionate. He’s funny, smart, edgy, and a risk taker. He’s like a paint-by-number kit with every color under the sun vs. shades of gray. We don’t always agree and it doesn’t bother either one of us. But I wouldn’t just call him a nice guy.
Why do women go for the bad boy? (And for the record, I’m not talking about mean or abusive men.) I’ll speak for myself here. Bad boys fascinate me. They aren’t trying to impress or flatter. They are wholly themselves and know how to have fun. These guys aren’t hiding behind a mask, nervous that their opinions or needs will be unsatisfactory. As for me, give me smart and funny – throw in compassionate and generous, and I’m there every time.
But don’t just try to be smart and funny, compassionate and generous, if in reality you are not. In the words of Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”